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Community Corner

Filthy Humans - Provide For Superior Beings Today

A diatribe from a cat about why you're lucky to have the opportunity to own one of his species today, thanks to an adoption drive at Johnny's Barkin' Bakery.

While I am no fan of my slovenly Current Owner, I sadly realize that some Felines and Canuses are without any Filthy Human to amuse them. Therefore, I told my Current Owner that I would try my hand at Writing to alleviate this issue.

I have learned from the Filthy Human website Facebook that there will be Young Kits at an adoption event. Organizations going by the Handles of the Animal Rescue League of Southern Rhode Island and Johnny’s Barkin’ Bakery will be helping Cats and Canines to find new Filthy Humans to provide them Amusement.

Sirs and Madams – I am no fan of your kind. Frankly, you have a Smell that disgusts me, to say nothing of your Demeanor and lack of Dignified Behavior. A Species that does not bath itself withst its tongue is scarcely a Species at all. However, I recognize your ham-fisted attempt at Improvement and Transcendence, and have taken pitty upon you.

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The Adoption Event is in the South County Commons from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. For more Intelligence, click .

Now if you excuse me, I must return to my Sleeping Slab — I must prepare for a long day of Making Waste, in order to keep my Current Owner on his toes and aware of his proper place in the world.

Find out what's happening in Narragansett-South Kingstownwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Dante is the 18-year-old cat of Narragansett-South Kingstown Patch Local Editor Stephen Greenwell. Sometimes, he commandeers the computer when Stephen falls asleep for the night.

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