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'Too Fat' for Sobriety Test, Nuts Over Noise, DUI Irony

Check out some of the more intriguing police reports from around the state.

Too Fat For Sobriety Test

One Hopkinton woman had an interesting excuse for why she couldn’t take her field sobriety test. North Kingstown police pulled the woman over after a witness phoned in an erratic driver in the area of Wickford Village. The 48-year-old from Ashaway told officers she was coming home from Warwick and had two beers about two hours before driving. Officers noted that she seemed “outwardly perplexed” when asked where she was coming from or where she was. When it came to why she was having difficulty with her field sobriety test, however, she had an answer – telling officers multiple times she was “too fat” for to take the test. After she failed the test, officers found an open bottle of vodka and 23 grams of marijuana in her car.

Nutty Assault

A 21-year-old Woonsocket man discovered one obscure way to settle a dispute with your neighbor: . According to reports, the nut assailant threw the can at his 63-year-old neighbor about a noise complaint. Police arrested the man on charges of assault and battery on a person over 60 years old and transported his victim, who had a small cut on his forehead, to the hospital.

DUI Lawyer Charged with DUI

Cue Alanis Morrissette: we have some alcohol-induced irony coming your way. A  over the weekend in Barrington after she was seen driving erratically. Officers noted the woman had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, and also found partially-consumed bottles of rum and wine in her car. The kicker? This 31-year-old woman is a local DUI lawyer.  

RIPTA Etiquette 101

One rule of RIPTA etiquette is to let an elderly or disabled person sit in the front seats of the bus. Another is to not urinate on the bus. Another is to not bring alcohol onto the bus. And yet another is to not bring a butcher knife. . Police received a call of two men on the bus who were peeing and drinking alcohol. The caller told officers that one of the men was holding a butcher knife. Unfortunately, officers were only able to find one of the men, and he was found with a butcher knife hidden up his sleeve. He is being charged with disorderly conduct and possession of a weapon.

Road Rage Gets Salivary

When it comes to cases of road rage, most drivers prefer to flip the bird. One Woonsocket man opted, however, . A woman arrived at the Woonsocket Police Department with a spit stain on her clothing, telling officers that a man had spit on her at a stop light. According to the woman, she recognized the car that the spitter was driving as it had just cut her off in traffic moments earlier. The woman told officers that the driver appeared to be mad and then learned toward his open window, spit and took off. Police called the 39-year-old man in using his plate information, provided by the woman. Initially, the man denied the incident happened but later admitted that a verbal argument had occurred, but continued to deny the salivary part of the disagreement. He is charged with assault and also faces charges of driving without a license.

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Matt March 27, 2012 at 07:24 PM
This column is usually very entertaining and I hope it stays put. However, I would hope that the author/editor would proof read and publish without any glaring grammatical errors such as repeating words, broken phrases, etc.

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