Does Your Home Have the Latest in Amenities — The Love Altar?

Some homes boast hardwood floors, others grand foyers, so what about a Love Altar? Many new pads are featuring those now as well.

This weekend I visited a close friend of mine who just moved to a stunning new condo.  It’s in the heart of the city with more glass than I’ve seen since the time I ran over an empty six-pack when I parked at Savers in Warwick to see if they really sold lava lamps and beanbag chairs.

Recently divorced, Lola (no, that’s not her real name — but it fits this story well!) is determined she’s going to do everything “right” this time.  Her two children have graduated from college so she has furnished her new pad with the sinful colors of cream and soft reds. 

The furniture is sleek and stain-free and her pantry is filled with boxes that aren’t an empty tease like the ones the kids leave behind in my house.  Better yet, those boxes have “adult” food in them such as poppy seed water crackers and Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies — not stale saltines or True-Value vanilla wafers.

Not only did she choose luxury sofas and silky accessories, she also had her remote controls encased with fresh cultured pearls (if only I could wear them) and she knows exactly where each one is at all times!  And because her ex made a big stink about keeping their Great Dane (yes, this is a true story!) she no longer goes to sit on the chaise lounge and leans back into dog slobber.  Now when she cozies up to read a book she wraps herself up in a decadent cashmere throw that smells like fresh mountain air, not last night’s poker game.

Yes, she is doing lots right this go around! 

As I looked out at her breathtaking views of the Providence, something caught my eye.  I was so busy drooling over the fact that she didn’t have to suffer with popcorn ceilings like I did, that I almost missed it entirely.

“What is this with the crystals, candles, and perfume–scented stationery?” I marveled as she poured me a chilled glass of Pinot Grigio.

She winked and coyly said, “Oh, c’mon Cheryl, you’ve never seen a Love Altar before?”

As a good Catholic girl, I’ve seen plenty of altars, but in our church we generally don’t have handcuffs and crystal champagne glasses to use during Communion. Sadly, I needed an explanation.

Lola reminded me that this time, she wanted to do things “right” — and that included attracting “Mr. Right.”  Now that she had survived being jilted by her playboy husband (all I can say is he looked like a jack rabbit) she had been attending some workshops on that ever-fascinating topic — The Law of Attraction.

Financially, she’s got no worries.  Her ex-husband is a trust fund baby and an only child.  I can’t even imagine, as I’m the oldest of five and both my parents were schoolteachers. 

Lola is also a very successful architect, and has a steady high-end clientele that will keep her busy until she decides to retire and find something to do in her gourmet kitchen other than place Chinese takeout in her fridge every evening. (Lola gave up cooking—another statement she’s making about doing it “right” this time around.)

I’m an aspiring NYT best-selling author who loves to get creative with ground beef and pasta on an ongoing basis—what can I say?

But this Love Altar had me curious.  I’m a definite believer in the Law of Attraction—visualizing and thinking about how you want your life to be instead of sending negative energy vibes out to the Universe about how awful things are.  Whether or not it’s scientifically true—it’s a much better way to live, regardless of the outcome.

Lola is the typical success story except for one thing — she doesn’t have love in her life.  Deep sigh.  She’d definitely trade all her satin linens and couture clothing for the chance to find the man of her dreams. (Remember me, Lola, when you throw those designer duds out for Cupid!)

Enter the Love Altar.  At one of her Universal outings, she met a woman who introduced her to a new concept in attracting the mate of your dreams—all by creating a sacred space to lure romance and true love.

The directions were simple – Find the location of the romance/love area of your room according to feng shui. This is where your altar will be placed on either an end table or other suitable piece of furniture. By specifically designating this area it will help to build up the tunnel of energy and broadcast even more positive vibes to you wanting to attract a loving relationship into your life. This is usually in the far right upper corner of your room.

Forget it, the far right upper corner of my room has a puppy crate, which houses a live puppy called Gracie that we somehow told our oldest daughter she could have. (Before she leaves for college nonetheless — someone grab a small slab of that love altar and hammer me in the head!)

Next, gather some rose quartz crystals and put them out in the corner. These correspond to the heart chakra center, Archangel Chamuel, Archangel Raphael, angels of love and angels of healing. (Never saw this on Days Of Our Lives!) They’ll open you up to love as well as clear out anything that may be shutting down your love tank.   

On a pink piece of paper with red ink, write down at the top "My Wonderful Mate is..." and give a full list of what you desire.

For example, you may want a man that is romantic and writes you poetry, songs, that opens doors and a man you can simply devour.  Or, perhaps all you ask is for someone to place the toilet seat down at 2 a.m. so you don’t fall in when you’re comatose. 

Next, place sexy candles in this space along with many small framed romantic images and quotes you’ve gathered. (That does not include showcasing your uber Wellness Points from Rite Aid.)   And don’t forget to read lots of romance novels to ignite your passion and sensuality (so put your National Enquirer away.)

If you find that these techniques don't seem to be working and Mr. Right is not showing up, or if you are disappointed by the process, change up your altar.  (Change it, don’t burn it.) Sometimes it is divine intervention or fears that keep you from proceeding with the opportunity brought to you.  

If you still find nothing is happening, there may be more issues for you to deal with. (See your therapist, not the Love Doctor.) Don't give up though. Make sure to accept love and affection in other forms from friends, animals and family (this includes your mother!), and send it right back.  After all, what goes around comes around. 

Now I know why I don’t have a Love Altar in my house.  Aside from the fact that we’ve absolutely no extra space for a single quartz crystal or Dollar Tree candle, I’ve already seen what “goes around comes around” means —and for me, that was having eight kids! Good luck Lola — you’ll need it!

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