Everybody has one of those moments when their temper boils over and they end up snapping.
What happens in these moments vary greatly. On one end of the spectrum, you have someone telling off someone else for something they did. Or at least yelling at them to just shut up because they are sick of their idiocy. On the other end, you have the much darker route, which I'm pretty sure everybody here knows that it ends up with a lot of bloodshed and not enough control.
While my temper can get pretty bad sometimes, I always tend to just go towards the most minor of the spectrum. I've only used physical force twice outside of sibling tussles -- once towards my laptop and once towards a remote. Well, actually three if you count the story I'm about to tell.
That story is of worst example of my temper getting the best of me. It happened when I was 10 years old and taught me a lot about what happens when you let your temper take control.
This moment wasn't a heat-of-the moment type deals. It may not have been entirely intentional, but it was due to my temper flaring and it nearly cost my sister her left eye. I deserved whatever lectures I got and the grounding that ensued. However, I still think that I wasn't properly heard out on the issue.
It was over the summer and at the time, I pretty much was sick of the way my brother and sister would instigate me. They loved seeing me angry so they would just pick on me endlessly. They'd bring up stuff that I was insecure about like my height, my awkward manner of speech, but their biggest target on me was my weight. I wasn't fat, but I had a belly that was especially noticeable compared to my brother and sister's skinny frames. Basically, they picked on me because genetics decided to make me built differently.
I didn't want to deal with their crap anymore. They were getting older and their words were getting harsher with their ever-expanding vocabulary. I decided that I wanted to start to fight back and stand up for myself. I didn't have to take their crap. I may have always yelled at them and fought back before, but this time was going to be no holds barred. A great message but I somehow followed it in the worst way possible.
At this time, my grandma was down for the weekend and my parents were out doing something. I wish I could remember what they were out for. I think my mom was working, but I could be wrong. All I remember is that my neighbors had just left and my sister was starting up with me again, calling me "Fatty" and just picking on me. I was in the now-grounded treehouse (would you still call that a treehouse? I actually am not sure) just sitting there, trying to not let her get to me. In the treehouse, there were some shingles there. They were used for the roof and contained fiberglass, but I didn't know that.
So my sister was starting to give me crap again. I was just yelling for her to shut up. She wouldn't. So I decided to take one of the shingles and just fling it out the window. I didn't even see where she was. I just threw it out there just to chase her away. I wanted something that wouldn't hurt her and I didn't think that a shingle would hurt her, especailly compared to what else was stored in there (nails, bats, I think there was a softball). I didn't know where it would end up. I figured it'd maybe just land at her feet. I had terrible aim anyway.
The next thing I know, I hear something that sounded like it came from a banshee. My eyes widened as I realized that something did not go right. I look outside and I see my sister clutching her left eye. My grandma comes outside to ask what the hell just happened. I kept trying to say that it was an accident and that I didn't mean to hit her in the eye. I owned up to doing the deed, but it wasn't malicious...or as malicious as it turned out. I still got yelled at. My parents came home and immediately sent me to my room and they took my sister to the hospital.
While in my room I was crying for a bunch of reasons. The first of all was because of how stupid i was for doing that. Why did I have to throw that shingle? Why did I let my temper get the best of me? The next was that it was really an accident. I wasn't trying to hit her in the eye. Hell, my view was obstructed by the treehouse so I couldn't even see her. It wasn't like I was some kind of twirly mustached villain from one of those silent films whose intent on ocularly blinding everybody. And of course, I was crying because I was just so frustrated. I was told to stand up for myself and I was tired of being picked on. The one moment I stand up for myself and THIS happens?! Really?! God, what luck do I have, huh?
I actually sat down and wrote a note on the back of one of my math dittos to apologize to my mom and dad for doing that. I tried to tell them my side of the story as well. They appreciated me at least taking responsibility but they were still pretty mad at me. Especially when they learned that my sister had fiberglass in her eye and her cornea was scratched. Thankfully she wasn't blinded, but it was still a close call.
I was ashamed of what I did and they all knew it. Despite knowing that, nobody really helped make matters any better. In fact, they made them worse. My sister would keep mentioning it in front of me just to get me mad. Then when I'd start clenching my fists, she'd then be all "Temper temper," which made me even angrier. Then there was a party that we went to and someone slipped about what exactly happened with my sister. I left and spent half the day in the car because I was really upset. Yeah, I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but really?!
Thankfully the old adage about time healing all wounds was true. Time went on and wounds healed for the most part. There's still some lingering. My sister forgave me for it and admitted that she was too hard on me. She realized that maybe picking on me isn't such a good idea. She may be older than me, but that shouldn't give her any excuse to just start with me. Sure, she sometimes would start, but she at least didn't hit below the belt anymore.
As for me, I learned that a temper is something that needs to be controlled. It cannot just be let loose on whoever it is that makes you mad. I haven't become an unfeeling robot or tried to become a Stepford Smiler of any sort. I still have my emotions, I've just learned that controlling emotions is a good idea. There's a time and a place for you to channel your temper and it most definitely never involves a shingle and your older sister...or any sibling for that matter.
I still think about it sometimes and wonder if I could've done things differently. It's well in the past and I've since calmed down a lot. I'm much more laid back and I don't let anything really phase me to that extreme. Granted, I still get my moments, but I tend to let those simmer while I'm alone and have something soft I can throw around. Anger happens, but it should never get to a level where you end up harming another living creature. There are exceptions to the rule, but being called "Fatty" is not an exception by any means.
I just wish that 10 year old me had gotten that memo before she decided to throw that shingle out the window.
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